I need to check up on my colleagues at Nissan. There must be something in the water there, because how else would you explain this frankly absurd 2026 Nissan Armada Nismo?

This vehicle is completely asinine. Here’s a big box on wheels that’s a really good off-roader, or a really good luxobarge. On the other hand, the Nismo treatment is typically reserved for sports cars like the GT-R and Z, and sometimes sporty-ish models like the Juke. The Armada is anything but, yet I’m absolutely here for it.

The Armada Nismo doesn’t get big performance upgrades. There’s a bit of extra horsepower on tap; it uses the same 3.5-litre turbo V6 as the standard Armada, but if you fill up with premium, you’ll get 460 hp. It also has a louder exhaust, a tweaked air suspension setup, and forged wheels wrapped in high-performance rubber. Brembos would’ve been nice; it’s a little strange seeing tiny calipers behind the big wheels.

But at least the calipers are red, and red is the sportiest colour. The Armada Nismo wears more sporty dress-up including a body kit, two paint options — primer grey or pearl white — exclusive to the Nismo, and more niceties like sweet-looking quilted red seats with adjustable bolsters.

This technically isn’t the first-ever Armada Nismo. The previous-gen Armada, sold as the Patrol overseas, saw a Nismo variant as well. However, this latest model is the first time we’re getting it here in North America — and as before, Nissan’s calling it the Patrol Nismo overseas.

Pricing is still under wraps, but Nissan says the Armada Nismo is coming this fall. Like, for real. What a world we live in.